Have you found that you have been talking yourself out of or trying to challenge a good situation or progressing goal? It’s easier said than done to implement a positive mindset and tell yourself that you are deserving of happiness, opportunities, and success. Here are some things to consider when you catch yourself in engaging in self-sabotaging thinking and behaviour.
Feelings are not facts.
Our feelings indicate to us that there is something that could be needing our attention. We may feel that a certain situation can be threatening to our emotional wellbeing. Rather than acting on it (unless it’s an emergency, of course!), take the time to look inward and understand if this feeling reminds you of a time in your past and take them to go over what you know for sure. Notice how these feelings coming up impact the way that you speak to yourself. Having a close and trusting friend to share these feelings with can help direct you toward being more grounded and logically working through doubt, fear, and worry in an adaptive way.
You have picked yourself up each time, what makes you think you wouldn’t be able to again?
Why would we want to put ourselves in situations that can warrant a similar hurtful and disappointing result that we have had in the past? There is no reward without risk. As always, we need to exercise caution and make decisions that make us feel most safe. Sometimes, we try to control a situation or experience even though it may we going well, in order to avoid a similar past outcome. While you’re protecting yourself from the potentially bad outcomes, ask yourself if you’re also preventing the good that can come out of being present.
Self-reflect on your standards of success and what you’re compromising in order to attain it.
For many, you may have grown up high achievers and for others this could have been something you’ve adapted after experiencing trauma in order to feel a sense of control. Each of our standards of success are molded by our experiences, upbringing, and goals for future us. When we feel inadequate or undeserving, we may either shut down completely or become more reactive and fixated. It’s not fair to compare one person’s success to another simply because success is subjective. With that said, it’s also unfair to yourself to compromise relationship growth, personal growth and wellness as well as, other things that bring joy while we fully submerge ourselves in the stresses of our work or current projects. Everything in moderation is the key.
Listen to the latest Girls Gotta Heal podcast episode for more on self-sabotaging.