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Life after loss comes with a lot of uncertainty that you can’t foresee in the moments, days and weeks to follow. Having to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and big events without them are tough areas in the healing journey for most initially.
Life after loss comes with a lot of uncertainty that you can’t foresee in the moments, days and weeks to follow. Having to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and big events without them are tough areas in the healing journey for most initially. It is literally new territory and reminds you very quickly how you’d taken the years prior for granted as though they were guaranteed. We’re still processing, learning how to cope and adjust into a new life and routine.
For years we hadn’t celebrated my dad’s birthday. In certain cultures it’s taboo to talk about feelings around loss and grief. We fell onto that path. I was still a teenager and everyone around was doing the best that they could. In time, ( by that I mean years for us) when we each began our healing journey we introduced things to honour my dad for his birthday. Our cemetery visits were less quiet and more united as we would talk more to one another when we were there. We could finally exhale.
We now celebrate you dad, with your favourite birthday cake and treats and always make sure that we are altogether for dinner. You always showed us the importance of being together, loving hard and having the best times even with what little you have. It was days filled with special personal family moments that made our memories together as vibrant and life lasting. As new traditions are forming, we’re not leaving you behind. Your birthday used to make me feel so sad and withdrawn. I didn’t know how to deal with you not being here and especially not being on your day. It was easier to not deal with the emotions, I didn’t know how to then. As we grew and began healing we began to get more open with celebrating you more and talking about you again. Birthdays were the worst days now we celebrate you with cake, laughs and being together like you always wanted.
How do you honour your loved ones who have passed on their birthdays?