GGH Blog

Grieving a Relationship (July 25, 2020)

A lot of the grief I’ve talked about and personal experiences I’ve shared have been mainly around the death of a significant person/people in my life.

However, there are various kinds of grief! Grief can be the significant loss of an aspect of your life, an ideal(separation in a family, being fired from a long term job position), person (by death, tragedy or ending of a relationship). If you’ve been in a serious long term relationship that ended, you have also experienced grief.

When a relationship that you show such vulnerability in, make plans for your future, devote so much of your time and energy in and also can’t picture life without them ends we unexpectedly have to reset. This is a devastating time – families are involved, promises have been broken, you question your responsibility in the ending or this relationship while still feeling so attached to it.

Here are a couple of things that come to surface and need some TLC following this relational loss:

Acknowledging the feelings

  • This loss can be overwhelming to the point where we lose ourselves in the process. It can take over our emotions and body. When we’re sitting with these feelings it’s key to acknowledge them for what they are. You’re disappointed, going through an abrupt change and perhaps the visions and plans you had have been immediately shut down. That’s hard. Show yourself some compassion and understanding. Locate those areas in your body that are lighting up internally for you.

Waves throughout the day

  • The thing about waves is that they’re often hard to predict especially freshly out of a relationship. This is a new experience in of itself.
  • We can feel it in our body before we can see it for what it is. For me I got terrible stomach aches every morning for weeks. I would wake up with that feeling before even processing that I felt sad or thought about what had happened.
  • Push through them with however much force you have to give that day.
  • Stand tall and let them come.
  • Each day you will become stronger and facing them will become less intense.

Acceptance

  • These significant changes, feelings of loss and pain can make it pretty difficult to find acceptance.
  • This is definitely usually not the first place we arrive at following a loss.
  • We are not only processing these feelings and experiences around it but also coming into a new normal.
  • Acceptance usually comes after we begin to get through each day and see slowly how we make it through (connect with your friends, family and the things that make you happy while allow you to feel the feels – if that’s jamming out to Taylor Swift’s first album or having a sleepover with your girls so be it!)
  •  

Release

  • After we acknowledge the feelings, give ourselves compassion and begin processing a life without this person a part of it we need to release it somehow. Crying, sweating, writing, throwing their things away, creating, talking it out etc. A combination of all worked for me after my last relationship. It took an entire month for me. All of these contributed to me reconnecting to myself and feeling empowered AF. I worked out 3 times a week (I think the consistency and the fact that I paid for it encouraged me to show up even when I wanted to stay in my room), I cried a lot, I wrote a lot and ripped it after, I stayed close to my friends who were understanding and always willing to hear me when those waves came in and lastly I created a lot for GGH in the process.

How am I going to support me without you?

  • Firstly there is so much more to you than this relationship – detaching ourselves from beliefs, hopes and visions we had for ourselves is probably one of the biggest challenges in the days and weeks that follow.
  • I think this is a question that we don’t always clearly ask ourselves afterward but our actions, words and feelings reflect this fear of the unknown. We fear this emptiness, embarrassment, removal of a routine and plans and loss of a person who provided us with support so personally and intensely all throughout our time together. For some that might have even been a hard place to get to at the start of the relationship. I know this is true for me and oftentimes why I feel it so hard after a relationship is over. We all show vulnerability in our own way and solidify trust over time with someone. That’s work and energy. It’s a process of rediscovering who you are without them. I promise you, you will eventually arrive at a state where you feel empowered from it. Like always you pulled yourself up and out of there and will continue to flourish.

Keep healing,

xo

C

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